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new pics of eleanor and louis surface

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it’s been a while

today i found out that my dad ruined my life. i mean, i knew that before, but now i REALLY know. i guess in the same breath, though, i know that he didn’t really, and that i can do whatever i put my mind to. but he made the path to getting what i want that much fucking harder. who knows, maybe he’s reading this. if you are, i hope you’re happy. i spend far too much time on the computer these days. getting lost in millions of pictures and words and apartment ads and everything the world wide web has to offer me. my lack of social life is appalling. i’m starting to worry that my dreams are getting to be too big. the pressure that i’ve been feeling lately due to my lack of success thus far in life feels like it weighs a million trillion pounds. i need to get my mom out of financial turmoil. i need to move as far away from here as possible. i need to be a new york times bestseller. i need to make sure my dad eats every hurtful and doubting word he’s ever said to me. i need to become rich and famous not only to please myself, but just to prove everybody else wrong. and for some odd reason, i thought i would have accomplished all of those things by the ripe age of twenty. i’m coming to terms with the fact that my expectations and ambitions for myself are so far out of this world, so therefore i think i’ll probably always wind up disappointed. my B.D.D. seems to be getting better. but that’s not saying much considering it was a lot worse than i’d expected it to be in the first place. all i have to say is thank god i got help when i did. the treatment and medication seems to be working, but it still doesn’t abolish the O.C.D. and the anxiety attacks in the dead of night. i swear to god i’m not depressed. i’m just sad. and it’s okay to be sad sometimes. or at least that’s what my shrink tells me. “it’s alright to feel your feelings”, she says, and i agree with her. they help me write and act and breathe. i just want to travel the world, really. there is not much else that i want out of life. i want to see places, and people and monuments that other people only get to dream about. i’m starting to love the idea of living in europe. meditating on this country’s future scares the shit out of me anyway. so who knows, maybe i’ll wind up overseas forever and ever. i’m not going back to school in the fall. which i think will be for the better. i shall graduate from none other than columbia college in chicago, illinois, so therefore, community colleges in oklahoma are a total waste of time and money. i can’t wait to go back to work, knowing that in my spare time, i will not be writing papers and taking online government quizzes, but instead, revising, polishing, and sending off a novel that i believe in my heart of hearts has the ability to get published and maybe even go places; touch the hands of millions of people in this world and make them feel something. i think it’s going to be amazing - moving away to the big city, reinventing myself, writing fresh stories and characters, meeting new people, adjusting to a completely different culture, really truly, living out my passions and dreams and hopes and fears and everything in between, without a care in the world or a rear-view mirror. i’ve heard that way of life tends to make a person happier. so i guess we’ll see.

“you give me miles, & miles of mountains & i’ll ask for the sea”

“you give me miles,

& miles of mountains

& i’ll ask for the sea”

flip-your-hair-for-haz:

Sweden has been good to Larry

flip-your-hair-for-haz:

i feel like the live tour dvd is going to be one big giant gay orgy and if you’re not okay with that then you don’t belong in this fandom

(via s-k-i-nn-y-l-o-v-e)

(via stfujeff)

youre kidding

youre kidding

(via s-k-i-nn-y-l-o-v-e)

(via louisisgaybutilovehimanyway)

(via gossipgirlseries)

gatesguardian:

my first big celebrity obsession is back bitches. 

‘cause i’m still in love with you.’ 
- jonas brothers. 

(via gatesguardian)